does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
