just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
