Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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