Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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