I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
cat food counts as protein by the way
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
