watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
