the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
