You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize