eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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