So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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