It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
