she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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