im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
