Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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