First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
