Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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