OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
