Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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