you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize