This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I still have a little drunk in my system
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
