8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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