So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
