that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
