The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
