I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
