his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
