I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
