I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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