Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
