She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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