i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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