I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
