I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
