some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
