It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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