remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
