i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Every concussion has its silver lining
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
