i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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