Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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