u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My vagina is officially offended.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
