The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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