Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
