Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
