I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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