Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
