so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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