i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
