I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
