Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
