I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
