She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize