I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
