Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
