Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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