you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
