I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
