ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
