zippers are such a cool invention
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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