Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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