Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
