I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
