i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
