Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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