Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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