those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
