If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
