my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
