Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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