Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Sorry about my life...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
