____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
