I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
