i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
