You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
