i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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