okay pat passed out under dana's car
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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