I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
