My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
