It's a beautiful day for a hangover
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize