I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
