I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
