i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
