what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
so much tequila, so little girl.
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