Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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