I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
