i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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