he wants to bone in the snuggie
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
