hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
