Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
