saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
