i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
