He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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