so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
