1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
