I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
