I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
