he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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