We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
