What did we do last night that was yellow?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize