I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
