You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
