Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
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