she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
