I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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