We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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