yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
