Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
