You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
