No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
