Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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